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Belka's Last Gleam [02/11/2010]

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FateSkyFire's picture
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Vivio Takamachi has gone back in time to the last days of the Belkan Empire. There she meets her original, Sankt Kaiser Olivie Segbercht. How will the meeting of these two look alikes affect the history of Belka in the making? A NanoFate Fanfic

PROLOGUE!

Simple Way to Read:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6445088/1/Belkas_Last_Gleam

If you must, its fine too:

Spoiler:

"Drip"

"Drip"

"Drip"

The world is dark, I can't see. My eyes are blindfolded.

"Drip"

"Drip"

"Drip"

I can't move my arms and legs are bound.

"Drip"

"Drip"

The cold stone ground I sat on sent a chill up my spine.

"Drip"

"Drip"

The air feels cold. I shiver my thin scratchy shirt they made me wear.

"Drip"

"Squeak"

I hear everything, the scurrying of little feet running across the stone ground, the dripping of water, the sound of someone opening my cell door.

"Drip"

"Alright blondie come on, you're going have an audience with Her Majesty." A gruff man's voice spoke to me. "If you're lucky you'll get to plead your case." The man chuckled.

"Drip"

The sound of my shackles being undone pierced my ears with joy. A hand grabbed the back of my collar yanking me off the stone cold ground, pushing me, guiding me out of my cell. My cold legs shivered weakly as I tried to walk. The soft pattering of our footsteps echoed quietly in the deserted dungeons.

"How much further?" I asked the man only to receive silence from him. The squeak of another door let in a flood of warm air past me, warming my frigid body. Oh how nice it was to feel the warm air again.

"Keep moving Her Majesty doesn't like to be kept waiting." He pushed me forward, the stony dungeon ground changed to a nice thick carpet that dug warmly between my toes. "Watch the steps." My guide warned a little too late.

I winced stubbing my toe on the first step. The hand on my collar grabbed me tightly pulling me back up before I could fall. This time I carefully raised my feet up slowly feeling blindly for the next step as we walked again in silence.

"Halt!" A stern voice came from in front of us with a clattering of metal. "State your business."

"Her Majesty has requested to have an audience with the prisoner." The man beside me answered the voice in front of me.

"Very well, open the gates!" The stern voice yelled followed by a loud cranking of gears and locks boom, followed by an eerie squeaking of metal doors being opened.

"Walk." My escort gently pushed me forward guiding me once again down some path. A fanfare of trumpets sang out, assaulting my ears that were use to the quiet of the dungeons, scaring me half to death.

"Presenting Her Majesty, Sankt Kaiser, Olivie Segbrecht." Another voice boomed, silencing the annoying trumpets that were starting to get on my nerves.

"Kneel." My escort whispered to me.

My legs shook weakly as I tried to bend them. Trying to balance myself with my hands tied behind my back, I only succeeded in falling flat on my face with my behind stuck up in the air.

"Silly girl." The man sighed yanking me back up on my knees.

Slow calm footsteps echoed far away in front of me followed by the creaking of wood and the ruffling of some cloth.

"Remove her blindfold." A girl's voice commanded.

The girl's voice was young but it had a confident and royally arrogant demanding tone.

"Yes your Majesty." My escort shuffled behind me, his hands ruffled at my hair undoing my blindfold.

The first streams of light blinded my eyes made me squint painfully. Blinking my eyes rapidly I tried to clear my vision trying to make out the dazing display of colors in front of me. I was in a grand chamber of white marble. The ceiling was excessively high, dangling with large round glittering chandeliers. The marble stone walls were littered with dozens portraits of many men and woman surrounded by golden decorative frames. The ground I knelt upon was a long red long carpet that rolled out to the other end of the chamber. At the end of the chamber sat a blonde girl on a chair, with a ridiculously tall back support. Legs crossed, her head leaning on her palm as if she was bored she yawned looking at me like I was some interesting specimen. I in turn studied the girl wearing a blue open jacket and dress with white crosses and lace bordering the edges with black shirt clung tightly to her body under her jacket.

"So tell me, what brings you here." The girl's voice spoke to me, her voice echoing in the chamber in a voice that I recognized as my own. The girl stood up from her chair walking down a small set of stairs, her chin lifted up arrogantly. "Will you not speak?" She approached me slowly; her pair of sparking red and green eyes stared piercingly into mine. I saw...myself. "So will you tell me who you are?"

"I...I...m...my name is Vivio Takamachi." I stuttered.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: A small side project that I'm doing side by side with Re:encounter. I hate first person...I really do not like writing in first person. So that why I'm writing in first person as a try out. This won't be like Re:encounter with the 15+ page per a chapter. Hope you enjoy this prologue.

Nice to meet you (new and old) in another one of my stories!

See you all again in another chapter!

- FateSkyFire

Sigurd's picture
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A little advice: Try summing everything up when you're in this POV, because it would seem redundant having to say every little detail. I mean think of it this way: how would the person's POV describe it?

Other I saw your A/N that it's your first time doing this... eh, maybe you wanted to hear out some thoughts :)

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FateSkyFire's picture
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Thanks for the advice ill take it in stride (^_^)b

langrisser's picture
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Vivio meeting her original self looks like an interesting story.

Captain Reo's picture
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...I like it...

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Currahee
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FateSkyFire's picture
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Belka's Last Gleam

GET IT HERE WHILE ITS HOT!
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6445088/2/Belkas_Last_Gleam

Sigurd's picture
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Posts: 903

Ehmm... for your sake:

1) Disclose any names if necessary(especially when you don't know who the person in front of you in the first place is.)
2) Try to describe what she's doing, since this brings better transition to scenes.
3) Don't disclose everything to dialogue, I know it's important but try to use it less often.

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langrisser's picture
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Fate will probably be shocked to learn she's a belkan noble.
I wonder if Vivio will meet her grandmother Precia.