～ einundzwanzig
～
If I let resignation take shape. And then, if I let it
become visible, even things that are possible, will
become impossible from the start.
If I whine, “As I thought, it’s no use,” would I be able to give up
on everything?
If I
lament, unmindful of my body language, would someone erase everything?
— That’s
wrong. That’s not how it works, is it?
Forcing yourself to believe that if you whine, things will be
easier.
Believing that if you lament, someone will come to your rescue.
Becoming
unable to carry out your own will... I think that’s the scariest thing of all.
Rather than
someone else cutting off that extended hand, to cut it off yourself,
thinking, “I don’t need it” — is scarier.
— Isn’t
that what you think?
If. — Hypothetically, okay?
You were to
say, “That’s an unforgivable sin.” If you were to scream it.
— Before
you could utter that, I would deny it entirely.
If, despite
that, you were still to say, “It’s an unforgivable sin.”
I would
firmly embrace that purest of hearts, that you say is stained with sin.
To you, who
believes that you are a criminal.
I would
tell a wish, from all the people thinking of you who aren’t here now as well,
so large, and precious, that your thin arms wouldn’t be able to hold it.
【
einundzwanzig ～ (Unschuld) ～ 】
It was well
into the night, and the increasingly cold wind seemed to bite into my skin. The
sky that was dyed black as though ink was poured over it, due to the snow that
had started to fall without my noticing, showed spotted patterns here and
there.
The
moonlight that peaked through just a little from the concealing clouds, faintly
colored the white that danced down. As if collected motes of light were
falling, it was a surreal evening.
The
rubble-covered town, was dyed pure white and couldn’t
be seen now. — Nor could the gunpowder smoke that covered the area, nor the
empty cartridges scattered about.
Like
nothing had been there to begin with, everything was erased by that white.
As that
passed below me, I gazed at the back of Hayate-chan who had gone a little farther ahead. — I wonder how
many years it’s been, since I flew in the sky with her like this. Her back
was broader than I remembered, and somehow, that tickled me.
“Nanoha-chan, are you alright?”
“Yes, I’m
fine. Hayate-chan.”
An exchange
we had repeated I didn’t know how many times now.
— My limit, was twelve cartridges. With the fear that came of not
knowing when they would run out, my body trembled a little.
I wasn’t
afraid of falling from the sky. I was afraid of falling before we rescued
Fate-chan.
— That
alone, was unbearably frightening.
Unconsciously
I tightened my grip on Raising Heart’s haft. Chilled by the cold air, its
temperature gradually permeated the palm of my hand.
“Gaaaaah!”
“—!”
In this
world that had been peaceful, a crude, inhuman, beast-like howl resounded. Waves
of magical energy shook the air, and with a single stroke painted the sky.
“— Tsk, they’re here!”
Avoiding
the slashes that had no form or method, and were simply swung with sheer
strength, Hayate-chan moved
forward to meet them as she deployed a shield.
Hayate-chan wasn’t a front-line
mage; she was obviously protecting someone— me— and I
realized she was trying to draw the enemy’s attention toward herself.
Immediately,
I also moved ahead. While evading the incoming stream of shots of magical energy
and weapons, I kept my distance, then following Hayate-chan’s
example, gathered magical energy, and assembled a formula in my head.
One that
was— stronger, more powerful.
When the
image was ready I filled my body with that formula, and transferred the data
into my Device. With the gathered magical energy I quickly spread a circle. In
that instant, there was a loud crashing noise that seemed to pierce my eardrums
as opposing magical energy was vaporized, and my surroundings were covered in
smoke.
I couldn’t
see my opponents. — Which meant that they shouldn’t be able see me either. I
quickly constructed another offensive formula in my head.
Since I
didn’t have as much magical energy as Hayate-chan, I couldn’t use wide-area magic at long distances. —
That said, my experience with real combat was scant and maneuverability wasn’t
my specialty. Following Fate-chan’s style of flying
close and fighting at short range would be too risky.
To be able to defeat my opponents with certainty. I would
have to be... mid-range. — Bombardment was the only method I could use.
“Nanoha-chan!
Don’t go too far ahead!”
“It’s
alright. I’ll be a decoy, so while they’re distracted, shoot off a big one, Hayate-chan!”
“No, that’s
defeating the purpose!” I heard her shout from behind me. Unmindful of it I
went forward, and while spreading a shield and keeping my distance, I waited
for the precise moment, then fired light bullets.
The second
empty, I loaded the third cartridge. Badum,
a slight pulse-like trembling ran down it, and as the red gem in the center
swallowed down my magical energy, at that moment.
The magical energy that wasn’t swallowed and had no place to go,
returned to my body through the small wounds on my fingertips, and all at once
flowed backwards. My left arm was wrapped in a cherry-blossom-colored
light.
It ran
through my blood vessels, and my pulse hammered intensely. That which opposed
it struggled to get outside, and with that backlash, thin lacerations ran from
the base of my thumb to the inside of my elbow.
Red coloring white. Gushing warmth.
Spouting pain.
So that Hayate-chan wouldn’t notice I
concealed the sleeve of my Barrier Jacket which had gradually started coloring,
and firmly bearing the burning pain, I resumed my support fire.
— Twenty
left.
From within
the curling dust, I confirmed that number. Of the cartridges I carried, nine
remained.
In the
opportunity given while my opponents faltered to my light bullets, I loaded
another cartridge to stabilize my magical energy. The sound
of swallowing. Bursting white. Erupting pain.
Somehow
keeping my slightly hazy awareness, I prepared my Device and focused straight
ahead.
It was that
moment.
“— Flash of
Steel!”
A slash
tore through the air right next to me. Following it, I saw a long, burning
sword blade. As if it were lighting up the deep black sky, the bright red flame
illuminated the area.
—
Brilliant, long hair shined in the strong, flaring blaze.
“Signum-san!?”
There were
several other figures. Among them I could clearly identify crimson hair. Graf Eisen, the large Device carried in the girl’s small hands,
was swung downwards.
“Heaven’s
Roar Smash!”
A dull crunch. The mage knights that had been hit directly
fell.
Sparks
crackled as they scattered. Countless wires peered out. To eliminate the
knights that still remained in the sky, she again swung downward.
“Nanoha-chan,
get out of the way!”
At that
voice I lowered my altitude at once. I could see the red flowing from my arm
melting the white beneath my feet.
“Resound,
Horn of Judgment.”
As the
incantation ended her body was wrapped in light, and two magic circles spread,
one beneath her feet and another facing her target.
“Ragnarok!”
The next
instant, there was a dazzling flash and a thunderous roar. In the sky before my
slowly opening eyes, there was nothing in front of me to interrupt my field of
vision.
— It was
simply painted by darkness, and completely silent.
“Are you
alright? Nanoha-chan.”
“Mm... I’m
fine. Thank you, Shamal-san.”
After being
wrapped in a soft light, what had before been a strong pain was gone, replaced
with a dull one.
“It seems
that your body doesn’t accept magical energy waves from outside very well. If
you suffer too big an injury even I won’t be able to heal it, so you need to be
careful, okay?”
“— Yes, I
understand.”
I lightly
opened and closed my hand a few times. — It hurt a little, but moving it was no
problem.
Next to me,
Hayate-chan had a slightly
puzzled expression.
“... Signum, Vita, Shamal... Zafira. —
Why are all of you...”
“We are
your knights, you know? It would be stranger if we weren’t at your side.”
“You alone
are our mistress. If you go, why would we stay behind?”
At Signum-san’s words, the others nodded as if it was
something completely natural. Seeing this, Hayate-chan smiled worriedly.
“We’re
attacking without permission. That’s violating the orders of the kingdom,
right? ... Don’t you know that you could be severely punished?”
“To stoop
to being ignoble knights, who would fear that and desert their mistress who
they should be protecting, would to us be a greater sin.”
“That’s
right. Do you know how distant you’re being, going off without telling us?
Honestly, Hayate-chan.”
Slowly,
several times, Shamal-san stroked Hayate-chan’s
head. Smiling with closed eyes at this, Hayate-chan looked very happy. Seeing this, I was happy as well.
“... But, what about the front lines? Won’t the war... go badly?”
“— A certain someone— has been doing their best behind the
scenes. Recently the enemy’s numbers have dropped.”
“... Could
it be— Fate, chan?”
Vita-chan laughed as though shocked. “Ahh— Really now. What a strange traitor.”
“Her unit
is taking care of everything else. They said something like, ‘Please take care
of our stubborn captain.’”
“I see. —
Fate-chan has a good bunch of kids in her unit.”
“Yeah...
That’s right.”
“You should
stick by what you believe. — Both you, and mistress.
We’ll watch your backs.”
Saying this. Signum-san gazed
ahead at the distant sky. Before her gaze was a small kingdom surrounded by the
sea. Himmel. ... The place where everything began,
and would end.
“She has to
come back. The outcome of our mock battles is still up in the air. — I... don’t
like having a losing record. Next time I’m making a comeback.”
“You’re the
same as ever, Signum-san.”
The eyes
that slowly turned toward me were kind. “I’d like to fight with you as well,
but you’re a princess,” she said with a regretful smile.
＊＊＊
As dawn was
breaking, we at last set foot in Himmel. — So few
people could be seen I wondered if it was really a kingdom.
Mountains of rubble, and silent streets. While flying at a
low altitude to look it over, I suddenly thought I heard a voice.
— Her
voice.
“Fate-chan!”
“Nanoha-chan?
What is it!?”
There
wasn’t a single footprint on the ground I landed on. There was no trace of
anyone. But— surely, she’s here. It wasn’t just my imagination.
I raced
ahead in search of her. My breathing quickened. My lungs which were not
receiving enough oxygen cried out. An erratic path. I
saw a beautiful golden color there, as if leaning against a particularly large
piece of rubble.
“Fate...
cha-”
Her Barrier
Jacket, was dyed black. That which was usually a
beautiful white was sullied, now stained dark red, and the white of the
outspread snow was painful to my eyes.
“Fate-chan! That’s... No..., Fate-chan!”
Her eyelids
were closed. Long eyelashes cast shadows on her cheeks, which were frightfully
pale. As though, all the blood in her body had escaped.
— The hand
that I touched with my fingertips, was cold as ice.
“Who’s
there...? Don’t, touch, h... er”
I suddenly
heard a voice from somewhere, and pain ran across the hand that touched her.
Looking closely, her wounds were covered in light as though they were being
protected.
But, even
that flickered weakly, as if it would vanish at any moment.
“Don’t,
touch, her!”
That voice
trying desperately to protect Fate-chan.
“Nanoha-chan!
Is Fate-chan there!?”
“... Nano... ha?
Could you really be, — that Nanoha!?”
It changed
from guarded, to astonished. After a moment, it turned
into something like sobbing.
“Help her!
... If you don’t hurry, she’ll die! I can’t sustain my power much longer!”
“... The one inside her. I see... You were protecting Fate-chan.”
At those
words Hayate-chan nodded
several times. Without help, Fate-chan would have
bled so much she would have died immediately. ... This girl, had kept those
wounds closed using up her own magical energy and physical strength.
Immediately
Shamal-san formed a magic circle, and Fate-chan’s body was wrapped in light.
“Before she
lost consciousness... Until the last moment. Fate had
been saying, ‘Nanoha.’”
“—, Mm.”
“I don’t
know what happened to her. But... she really loves you.”
“Fate, chan...”
I tightened
my hands which were gripping firmly. As if to warm her cold hands, even
slightly.
A long,
long time passed. — A twitch. Weakly, a fingertip stroked the palm of my hand.
Ashen cheeks gradually returned to cherry-blossom colored, their former,
healthy complexion.
“uu...
Na, no...”
“Fate-chan!
It’s Nanoha! I’m... I’m here!”
Slowly,
eyes opened thinly. In that moment, tender red peeked out.
“Fate-chan!”
“Yes, —
She’ll be fine now. But she should rest for a while.”
I embraced
her body tightly. Her body which rested snugly within my arms was drained of
strength, and slightly limp.
Having
released the Unison, a red-haired girl appeared.
“Thank you
so much... for protecting Fate-chan.”
Slowly, I
gently stroked her small head with my fingertips. “Fate saved my life. Of
course I would!” She smiled as if it tickled.
“Nano, ha?”
“Welcome
back... Fate-chan.”
Though I didn’t know whether or not she was back. I replied
this way.
“... Why...
are you here!?”
“I’ve come
for you, Fate-chan.”
Gazing into
eyes that opened in surprise, I spoke those unquestionable words. Then after a
short while, those eyes slowly became downcast, as if in pain.
“Let’s go
back together? Fate-chan.”
“... I’m
sorry, but I can’t do that.”
Looking pained. She shook her head over and over. Ragged and spilling tears. “I can’t,” repeated words of
denial.
“... I’m
begging you... please. ... Forget about me... Nanoha.”
— Contrary
to her words, those fingers that tightly grasped my Barrier Jacket. Gripped so strongly they turned white, and were stiff and
trembling.
“Why?”
Without
blame, I simply asked for her true feelings. Her closed eyelids opened, our
gazes clashed, and suddenly, they closed again.
“I am, the cause of this war... of everything. If I... If I’m gone!”
“—
Fate-chan.”
I wiped
ragged, spilled tears away with my finger. That body that flinched, I gently
embraced.
“Originally...
I would, take the stone. ... And I would... kill you.”
Saying
this, Fate-chan looked pained.
“But, I’m
alive, aren’t I? I can be by your side like this.”
“— That, is”
“Yes. —
It’s because you protected me, isn’t it? That’s why I can live like this.”
“I, I.... Please, ... don’t say, you, hate me...”
I gently
disentangled the hands that tightly gripped my Barrier Jacket. When they
anxiously reached out to touch it again, I took them with my hands, and
intertwined our fingers.
“I could
never hate you.”
“... I’m
alone. From the beginning I never had a place I should be. ... Or a place I
could be.”
“But you’re
not alone, are you?”
Slowly I
turned my gaze about the area.
“That’s
right. We’re here too. ... Even the other members of your squad are waiting for
you to return.”
“The place
you should be is by Nanoha’s side. The place you
should be, is Eldorado. What else is there?”
“— Could I be... forgiven...?”
“There’s
nothing to forgive. Fate-chan, you haven’t done
anything wrong, have you?”
Fate-chan smiled troubledly, as though
trying to keep herself from crying. Over and over again, I ran my hand through
her hair. Carefully. To tell her, it was okay to cry.
— After
doing so for a little while, her hot forehead nuzzled against my chest. She
made strangled sobs.
Until they
stopped, I stroked her soft hair over and over.
“—... But,
I can’t return like this. Nothing’s changed. It isn’t over.”
Having
regained her composure, Fate-chan slowly spoke those
words. The reason she left the kingdom. — It was.
“... The stone.”
“Fate-chan, what do you want to do?”
A little
after my words, the eyes of Fate-chan, who was making
an apologetic expression, slowly began to project flame.
“So that this will never happen again. ... I think I should
destroy it.”
“But, it’s
the important national treasure of your kingdom.” I interrupted the words she
continued with. “Yes,” I nodded just once.
“If that’s
what you want to do, Fate-chan. ... No. That is what we’ll do.”
“That’s
right. Thinking about the future, it’s the safest way.”
So that this war would never be repeated.
“Let’s go.
Together.”
Because a
treasure that invites strife— Such a thing.
Could never bring happiness to anyone.
Because we
shouldn’t need such a thing to begin with.
___________________________________________________________________________________
