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[Fanfic] Photoshoot

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Jokulhaup's picture
Joined: 04/10/2010
Posts: 417

Spoiler: Photoshoot

She hadn't expected that it would be shown anywhere other than in a magazine ad. Boy was she wrong.

By Jokulhaup

Disclaimer: This author, Jokulhaup, claims ownership of none of the assorted media presented in his stories, they are the works of their respective creators. He is also not profiting in any way beyond mental satisfaction at expanding on an interesting idea.

~ Oneshot – Photoshoot ~

Nanoha came in the lobby with squinted eyes and a sleepy expression. The secretaries, smiling, asked her if everything was all right.

"I'm fine," she grinned weakly. "I'm finally done re-touching the pictures from last week. Is anyone already up there?"

The few women shrugged, shook their heads. "I think," one of them said, "that Verossa is already there. And Signum and Shamal went to get some coffee at the cafeteria."

With a small nod, Nanoha smiled. "Alright, I'll be up then. Good day!"

As the elevator doors closed tightly shut, Signum and Shamal came back from the cafeteria. The secretaries repeated information about Nanoha. At the same moment, Subaru burst through the office doors with the speed of a small hurricane. Shamal looked up, her eyebrows high up on her forehead. She had been talking with Signum about early morning nonsense, and the small blunette’s arrival had interrupted them.

"Where's Nanoha?" Subaru breathlessly asked. Signum, serene in comparison, smiled softly and motioned to the elevators.

"She just went up. What is going on?"

Subaru looked too excited for someone who hadn't taken a first cup of coffee. With a wide, sneaky smile, she said, "The girl is in for some swooning."

Shamal, understanding at once what it was all about, let out a small laugh. "Oh, so that's what it is. Where did you see it?"

"You'll never believe me."


"Holy fuck, I don't believe this."

Fate, not a morning person, had never expected to be greeted by such a huge poster of herself right as she came out of the bus.

The business women at her side all blushed, looking at the poster spread on the whole façade of the building then back at her, their previously official looks turning into speculative ones. Uncomfortable, Fate chose to walk quicker.

She hadn't expected when she'd done that one time photo shoot that it would be shown elsewhere than in a magazine ad of some sort. Now, it seemed as though her gigantic flat self, bare midriff, tanned skin and all, looked down at her as though to mock her, as though to say, “Look at where I am now!”

It was one of the biggest posters on the Square. It seemed like everywhere she looked, men and women were sneaking peeks at her half naked image.

"Oh my god, what did I ever do to deserve this?"

The thought ran over and over again in her head until she walked through her building's doors. There a group of young men greeted her with a series of whistles, cheers, and claps. Fate brought a hand up to her face, rubbing the bridge of her nose. Alicia, with a wide smirk, clapped her on the shoulder.

"Hey, sis, if that doesn't bring your special someone's attention on the fact that you have a sexual life, then nothing will. I don't know how you did it, but I never saw something so daring-"

"It wasn't intentional, Alicia."

Alicia asked, an incredulous frown marring her face, "You mean someone snapped that picture of you naked without your knowing?"

"Yes, well, no!" Fate sighed loudly, and many of her coworkers gathered round, to her embarrassment. "Thing is, I agreed to replace a bikini model two weeks ago for my friend Hayate because the real girl had a sunburn or something, and she told me it would, at worst, show up in a few magazines. But she lied. Can I borrow your cell phone?"

Alicia, grinning like a madman and resisting the urge to laugh really loud, handed her the small cellular device. Fate dialed quickly, pressing the phone to her ear, still red in embarrassment.

Hayate Yagami, lounging in her red poolside chair, sighed as her phone rang. She took her sunglasses off her nose and on her forehead. Outstretching a perfectly manicured hand, she took hold of the receiver and uttered a smooth “Hello”.

"Hayate," the voice on the line said, apparently tense, "I need to know who put that picture of me up on the Square." Hayate, smiling suddenly, uncrossed her legs. "Fate! Oh my, how are you? It's been so long since I last heard of you, darling. What, two weeks?"


Rolling her eyes at Fate’s serious deadpan tone, Hayate crossed her legs the other way and leaned backwards, closing her eyes. "They offered a load of cash and a two year financing contract to have that picture put up there, Fate. In their words, it looked better than the original picture planned, and they couldn't just leave this unnamed sex-appealing woman to fall into oblivion."

She could hear the other exhale in annoyance. "Hayate, you're shitting that up."

"I am," she admitted with a cheerful smile. "Really, Fate, do you think I would believe them if they said something like that? Who's the artist here?"

"Hayate, take the picture down, I beg of you. It's staring at me from the Square, and people look at me weird and it's going to ruin my career." She was beginning to blabber. "That is, whenever I apply for a job, people are going to look at me and go, ‘Hey, you look familiar, do you think I saw you somewhere? Wait, I know you, you're that half naked girl they had up on Square for a month! Why don't you strike a pose, gal!’ TAKE IT OFF, HAYATE!"

Hayate sighed exasperatedly. She twirled a strap of her bikini around her index, toying with it absentmindedly. "Give it a rest, darling. It's not that bad. You're rather sexy on that poster. And you have it right. It's just a month. After that, people will forget. Just relax. Don't you want a vacation here at my resort, darling?"

Fate growled, "No, Hayate, I don't need a vacation." Behind her, she could discern many laughs. "I don't give a shit if you think I'm sexy on that… thing, I just want it off. What will people think? My boss will think I'm some self-obsessed show-off! And think of my future kids!"

"What about them, honey?"

"Whenever they'll look into a mirror, they'll think, 'my mom had a poster of her put up in the Square, what a lousy… self-obsessed show-off!'"

"You're exaggerating, Fate. Now, why don't you go on about your daily life and just… wear sunglasses for the remainder of the month?"

"I can't believe you. Fine, but I get a payback one day."

"Sure, honey. Sure."


"Sure I believe you," Nanoha mumbled. "I mean, of course that would happen." She smiled at Subaru. "NOT."

Subaru, Signum and Shamal, surrounding the young woman's desk, were looking too excited for their own good. They giggled. "Unfortunately, sweetie, we have sources."

"Sources." Nanoha rolled her eyes. "Wow, hear the echo?"

Subaru, slapping a magazine down on the desk, said, "Open it."

Sighing in exasperation, Nanoha grabbed the weekly issue and flipped the cover over, all the while saying, "You know, it's not that I don't appreciate your attempts at making me laugh, it's just that your jokes are far from, well, hilarious. Besides, it's completely unrealistic. I've known Fate for years, and trust me; the woman would NEVER do something like that unless her life was in danger. And even then, she'd try negotiating."

"A pity," Signum commented.

Nanoha, turning page after page and glancing at each of them to humor the women, said, with no little annoyance, "I mean, I saw Fate shirtless like, twice in my lifetime, and okay, it was a sight to behold, but come on, it's not like—holy shit."

People in the hallway jumped in surprise and wondered at what was going on in the office when a scream, followed by a chorus of shrieks and giggles rang out.


Fate’s phone rang, for what seemed the thousandth time that day. She tensed again, teeth tightly clenched, and screamed her frustration so loud that Alicia looked over the cubicle wall to say, "Why don't you take it off the hook and take a pill, Fate?"

"Yeah," a thick unidentified voice said from somewhere in the maze of walls, "Why don't you answer to your admirers or just relax, picture-girl?"

At that comment, Fate grabbed the edge of the desk so tightly that her knuckles were white and in a very low, strained whisper, eye twitching, she asked, "Who… was… that?"

Alicia, eyes wide, looked a bit scared. "Hey, whoa, you look like a chipmunk on crack, sis. You seriously should have taken that vacation Hayate offered you, 'cause I swear you're—"

A stapler coming to stop at her throat cut her off. She squeaked. Fate's threatening, twitchy and mad-looking face was just inches from hers, stapler separating them. Now both women were standing on their respective chairs, over the cubicle wall, and were attracting people's attentions. Many heads popped from over the cubicle walls all over the floor.

"Don't… ever…" Fate's voice was deadly, at an all time low volume, "… say… that… name… again…"

"What?" Alicia said, panicky, "You mean, Hayate?"

Fate snarled suddenly, pressing the stapler to her sister's neck. Somewhere to the left, a man asked, “Hey, do you think we should call security?”, but was quieted by a few other workers, who were more familiar with the two siblings' antics.

"It's… the name…" Fate whispered; eyes wide and insane.

Alicia raised her hands, in an innocent yet defensive fashion, saying in a nervous, but reasonable tone, "Okay, look, Fate, you're really in need of a little time-off. What do you say we—"

She was cut off by Fate's phone ringing again. The stapler left her throat to collide violently with the phone. It chipped off a tiny bit of plastic, but then just fell to the floor. The receiver flew off the hook, falling off and hitting the side of the desk with a loud thunk. Fate, hopping down from her chair, glared at the dangling object, like the primitive man in front of the fire.

"Object from hell," she whispered.

From the phone, a voice kept calling, 'Fate? Fate? Where are you? What kind of joke is this? Fate; it's Nanoha, stop kidding me!'

Alicia, resting her cheek on her fist and still looking into Fate's cubicle in boredom said, "Sis, snap out of it. It's your friend Nanoha."

Suddenly snapping to her senses, Fate scrambled to pick the phone up, and sighed a pathetic "Nanoha? Is it really you?" into the receiver.

"Yes, and on behalf of what little remains of my sanity, I ask, 'WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU THINKING, STRIPPING LIKE THAT TO POSE FOR AN UNDERWEAR FASHION PICT—‘"

"It's a swimming suit ad."

"Okay," Nanoha wheezed, "Okay, swimming suit, underwear, all the same. YOU STRIPPED!"

"I was blackmailed…?" Fate weakly tried.

She laughed, actually laughed, at that one. "Yeah right. Fate, I know everything threatening about you, and nothing is bad enough to make you strip."

She heard a woman's voice in the back say, 'Because if there was, she'd have tried a long time ago!' followed by a chorus of giggles. Fate scowled. "Oh, great, and you had to have an audience for this discussion?"

"Well, my friend, there's nothing we share that isn't public, you know."

I know, she thought darkly, I know. "But that doesn't mean you have to humiliate me in front of your co-workers."

"Why not? I mean, you started it. And you still haven't answered my question."

"I don't remember what it was," she mumbled, leaning back in her executive chair and propping her feet on her desk. Satisfied that she'd calmed down, Alicia disappeared back into her own cubicle.

"I asked you what you could have been thinking when you got naked for—"

"Hey, whoa, I wasn't naked. And okay, I'll admit it; it was to do Haya—uh, a friend, a favour."

"A female friend."

"Yeah." Fate waited, but panicked when she heard the dead silence. "Hey, Nanoha, are you mad or something?"

"No, just shocked. Well. You're free to strip for whoever you want." Her voice was neutral, and Fate knew she was doing it on purpose. "But please, make sure next time that the room is camera-less. If only for my sake."

She was about to say something, but the tone resonated. Fate, stunned, stared at it. Then speaking to herself, "You'd think she's my girlfriend or something."

"Maybe there's something she has yet to figure out," Alicia commented blandly from her side of the wall. "Like, I don't know, about how you've been pining for her since, god forbid, elementary school. Or how you always give her flowers on her birthday. Or how you spend nearly every office Christmas party in a corner with her, being cynical about the other employees… namely myself."

Fate scratched the back of her neck, still staring at the phone. "I don't pine after her."

A rumble of chuckles resounded from around her cubicle. She hated cubicles. She'd have killed to have an office with soundproof walls, or a door with a lock.

"Okay, not that much anyway," she corrected, and the chuckles died down after a last laugh. "And of course we're together at Christmas parties. We wouldn't want to hang out with weirdoes like you."

"See what I mean?" Alicia's voice sighed.

"And I can't help it that we have this connection. We just keep together."

"Methinks you'll have trouble now that you stripped for, God have mercy, another woman."

Fate said, defensively, "Well, Nanoha and I aren't dating, so I can strip for whoever I want."

Alicia chuckled. "Sure. But when the picture of it ends up on a fifty by forty billboard on the most visited square in the whole city, I can sort of understand the weirdness."


"I can't understand this."

Nanoha was pacing to and fro in her office. Subaru, filing her nails, seated atop her desk, watched her friend with a faint smile.

"Why not?"

"Fate stripped! Not only for a photographer, but for a female one! She NEVER does that!" Whirling around, Nanoha squeaked, eyes wide, "Oh my god, Subaru, what if she's having an affair! My best friend is a girlfriend! What am I gonna do?"

Subaru, tapping her nails on the desk surface, looked thoughtful. "Well…" she started, "You could begin by putting on that silky black negligee Teana and I bought for you last Christmas, and knock on her door with a bottle of champagne, strip sensually and then make wild love to her all night. That ought to teach her to look elsewhere."

Nanoha, who'd gone bright red before Subaru had reached the part about the champagne, threw her friend a nasty look. "Oh, yeah, Subaru. Sex is the solution. Of course. Sure. Not. I meant, how are we going to stay friends if most of her attention is on her girlfriend? And I don't even know who she is!"

"Assuming that the photographer is her girlfriend, which I doubt… Simple," Subaru said, flipping through the magazine, reaching the picture of Fate. Nanoha helplessly looked at it again. Both women stayed in silent admiration of the woman’s body, before Nanoha finally snapped out of it, blushing madly.

"Okay, this isn't right!"

"Why not?" Subaru asked, looking at the bottom of the picture. "She's drop-dead sexy. Oh, here we are. Photo: Hayate Yagami. Well. There's your thief of gods."

"Right." Nanoha said, clicking her tongue. "So what do I do?"

"You call the woman, and tell her to back off from your turf," Subaru blandly said, handing her the wireless phone. Nanoha grabbed it and slammed it back on its cradle.

"Yeah, right. That's a smart move. I don't even like Fate that way."

Subaru stared at Nanoha blankly. "And the way you were ogling her chest totally wasn't appreciation."

Nanoha shook her head, cheeks bright pink. "I can appreciate a friend's looks without automatically wanting to—um…"

"Wanting to lick her—"

"No! Stop. Right now."

Subaru grinned widely. "I knew it! You lust after the woman, and you've been denying yourself the pleasure of jumping her for the sake of so-called friendship! Oh, the pain."

"I do not lust after Fate!" Nanoha cried. "Would you please stop saying things that aren't true?"

"Then explain the drooling on the magazine ad."

Nanoha shook her head, motioning like she was about to tear her hair off her head. "Okay! Fine! So she's a sex goddess! Fine! But that's beside the point!"

"No, it's not, because if she hadn't been a sex goddess, she wouldn't have had her picture up on the Square, you wouldn't lust after her, she wouldn't be supposedly dating this Hayate Yagami person, and you wouldn't be wondering what to do. So, either you call her again and lay the questions, or you call this Hayate Yagami and threaten her. But I still think the negligee idea is the best one."

"You are a sick, sick woman," Nanoha declared.

"And proud to not be a virgin."

"Ouch, that's harsh. I'll have you know that I am sexually active, you cruel fiend."

"Then act like a sexually active, emancipated woman, and call the woman for a date."


"Why aren't you dating anyway?" Alicia asked, that noon, as they tried to surreptitiously find a decent lunch in a place that, hopefully, didn't offer magazines as distractions. "I mean, you've known Nanoha for a long time now. And you like, live in the same apartment building, right?"

"Yeah," Fate said, looking awkward with sunglasses indoors, dipping her fry in ketchup. "But we haven't ever made a move on each other, and it would be too weird to suddenly ask her out."

"You could use the good ole' 'just friends' excuse, and then shock her into agreeing to your terms."

"I wouldn't have terms, Alicia."

"Oh, right," Alicia snickered. "She imposes everything onto you, and you nod and agree."

Fate grinned, taking another bite from her hamburger. "Right. She's quite the dominatrix."

"Tell me, does she have a whip?"

"When she's a bad girl, yes," a female voice flatly answered, out of nowhere.

Both Fate and Alicia jumped about a mile high. Fate almost choked on her bite, and Alicia spat out a small mouthful of her Diet Coke onto the table.

Between them, looking down at the mess they'd made, Nanoha had an eyebrow raised.

"Na—" Fate choked. "Nanoha!" She looked embarrassed. "Uh, what a surprise!"

"I can see that," she flatly said, looking at Alicia as the blonde wiped the table clean. Turning her eyes over to Fate, she said, "I'd like to talk with Fate, Alicia. Would you mind?"

"Huh?" The other woman looked from a very embarrassed Fate to a blank looking Nanoha. She sensed the tension. Now was a very good time to make her retreat. "Yeah, sure. Talk, talk all you want! I'll be… um… over there."

And she darted out of the restaurant, leaving in her wake a ten dollar bill, which Fate put aside for the check.

Keeping her eyes averted from Nanoha's, she began, "You know, we don't usually say stuff like that—"

"I want to know about the picture."

Fate looked back at her, scowling. "That again? Nanoha, I told you what it was all about—"

"No, you didn't. I need to know why you agreed to do it."

She frowned. "Why is it so important to you what I choose to pose for? Don't tell me you've joined the Pants-Protection-League or something."

"Actually," Nanoha said, rolling her eyes, "it's the Avocado-Plantation-Workers-Protection-League. But that's beside the point."

"You bet it is."

"Just answer me."

"What's your question again?"

She sighed in exasperation. "Fate, pay attention. I want to know how that photographer convinced you to pose. I need to know why you did it."

"What do you expect?" She asked. "You want me to say that it was for a charity? For a fund-raiser? Or you want me to say that I wanted to seduce someone? Or do you want me to say it was for the money?"

"Was it?"

"Well, partially, but no."

"Then," Nanoha said, with infinite patience, "what was it for?"

"Hayate and I are sort of friends. She helped me out before, so I bailed her out of a problem. Only, her problem was about the replacement of a swimsuit model."

"So…" Nanoha said, "That's it?"

She shrugged. "Yeah. So there you have it. I never wanted the poster to happen, but it did." Then, out of the blue, she asked, "Want to date?"

Nanoha stayed blank faced. "What?" She suddenly spluttered, eyes widening.

"I asked if you wanted to date me."

"But what does that have to do with—"

"Blast it, Nanoha, do you want to date me, or not?"

She stammered, "B-But—"

"It doesn't have to be today. Do you want time to think about it?"

"No," she said, looking insulted. "I'm a modern woman. I know what I want." Fate, playing around with the straw of her soft drink, waited. She then said, "But first," taking a breath, Fate nodded for her to go on, "in the eventuality that we get to the bedroom," she asked, "are you—"

"Clean of illness. And I checked last month."

She nodded slowly. "And about kids—"

"We're covered."

"And sharing—"

"What's mine is yours."

She frowned, leaning back in the chair. "You're insane, you know that?"

"Is that a yes?"


She looked up sharply. "What?" She asked, and her determined expression faltered. Nanoha smiled, leaning forward.

"It's a no until that picture is long forgotten. I'm not dating models."

She scowled. "You're saying that just because you don't want to share me with a crowd of strangers."

"I'm simply pro-monogamy."

She slammed her head on the table. "Damn. And here I thought Hayate's picture wouldn't have too much of an impact on my personal life."

"You were wrong," Nanoha simply said, grinning still. "But I'll hand it to her. She knows how to bring out your natural features. You can be pretty damn sure that picture will affect your personal life. From now on, you're not going around with more clothes than strictly necessary."

Fate smirked. "Or what?"

"Or I might have to resort to using my whip."

"Great. I'll be looking forward to that, baby."

"It's supposed to be a threat."

"Find something else, then. You're practically begging me to derogate from your rules."

"You're such a bad, bad girl."

Fate switched chairs, coming next to hers, and leaned over to kiss her soundly.

"This is weird to say, but I love you, Nanoha."

"Good. More." She pulled the other girl down for another kiss. "And next time you strip, it's for me."

"No prob—"

"Just kiss me."


Spoiler: Notes
Dedicated to Orange-text-chan on NanoFate Chat, whom I've been holding out on regarding this one-shot for far too long. xP

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Just Like Fate

Nanoha-san's picture
Joined: 02/15/2010
Posts: 936

....Jokul-chan, you. Just. Totally. Made. My. Day. And it's only 2am! xD have been holding out on me! D'= That was like, the best one-shot I've seen yet! It was hilarious, sexy, drama all in one go! I want to slap and shake you, screaming, "where did that even come from!?". Damn you're good. Even though most of the characters were different from the series, I think I like them better this way~ Especially Subaru, freakin' horn dog. I feel bad for Teana ;)

Anyways...I really enjoyed this. Thank you for writing it all out~

Jokulhaup's picture
Joined: 04/10/2010
Posts: 417

Pfft, Subaru's totally a perverted horndog in the series, just look at how she acts with Teana. ;3 She's just a lot calmer around Nanoha 'cause she idolizes her; not quite so in this one-shot I'm afraid. >;3

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Hayate_Yagami's picture
Joined: 12/04/2010
Posts: 161

Ending Lol wat. xDDDD And hey! I bothered to read this time. <3 I just found the removal of the what do you call this, uh name suffixes awkward but, Jokul-chan, it was amazing... very...Jokul-like. <3

Avatar: Credits to a Pixiv User I forgot who. (sorry! I'll search for you. T.T)

Jokulhaup's picture
Joined: 04/10/2010
Posts: 417

Sorry, I write my AU one-shots as if they're raised in a non-Japanese society. >.>
Hence the lack of suffix usage. ;3

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Hayate_Yagami's picture
Joined: 12/04/2010
Posts: 161

But worry not, I liked it so very much. <3333333. xD

Avatar: Credits to a Pixiv User I forgot who. (sorry! I'll search for you. T.T)

ditto526's picture
Joined: 08/17/2010
Posts: 295

that was so much fun

langrisser's picture
Joined: 08/22/2009
Posts: 1396

I laughed at the part with Fate trying to kill everyone with a stapler. XD

depression76's picture
Joined: 09/03/2010
Posts: 528

LOL that was totally awesome. A very enjoyable read, thank you.

Nanoha-sama's picture
Joined: 05/30/2010
Posts: 361

WOA - Awesome, It was really awesome, thanks !

powerd's picture
Joined: 02/18/2010
Posts: 8

SWEET LOVE IT!! continuation please!! you need to write in fanfiction too :D