No... this has nothing to do with the lifehouse song xD... maybe just a little... >u>;; but yeah... angst... xD TEN PAGES lol. WARNING: This has been written quite sometime ago... I'll proofread this when I can... xD I just dug this up on my old NanoFate files and totally forgot about it lolz. So here goes the crappy version xD
Sometimes it’s only the outer shell we see…
It’s been two years since we broke up. Two long and painful years of immersing myself in work. Two long years of missing her. Two years of loneliness.
“I’m sorry Nanoha… I really just don’t think I’m ready… I don’t want to see you and Vivio painfully waiting each night for my return…” She was in tears now… “I’m sorry.”
That scene has played within my dreams every night like a broken DVD player. It was the same scene that broke… no shattered my heart into pieces.
Vivio is almost turning eight… and what hurts the most is that she kept on asking me the same question: “Where is Fate-mama?”
My reply would always be the same… “Fate-mama left us for a bit. She’s going to come back soon.”
That was the lie I kept telling my daughter and myself. The lie that kept me hopeful for her return.
I cried myself to sleep every night she wouldn’t return. I kept telling myself that everything would be fine… but it really just isn’t that simple.
I shouldn’t have said I was ok with her decision that day. No… I regretted every sound uttered by it. I just wasn’t ready to let her go. No I don’t think I would ever be.
Every day became a routine for me… I would always wake up, get Vivio ready for school, I would make my way to work, and I would still think of her in between these activities.
There were times Vivio would notice what I actually felt at the moment and she would give me a nice pet in the head saying everything will be ok. It was times like that when I just hugged her and cried on her shoulder.
Some mother I am, huh?
Sometimes I would just wonder what would happen if I just disappeared from this world but I always stopped myself because there was still one person… no two people waiting for me at home: Fate and Vivio. The only people I would die and break my heart for just to see them happy.
But those were facts I had to forget at the moment. I’m currently on a mission and this scientist is kinda tough…
“So the white devil finally shows herself.” He mused.
“… We are here to place you under arrest. Come with us quietly and you might be offered a chance to change.” I commanded, my voice preaching almost no emotion.
“I don’t think so… after all it will be my pleasure to play with you.” He continued, obviously amused by my presence.
Without any other hesitation I subdued him directly and knocked him out.
“You may take him.” I said to my subordinate.
This scientist’s cyborgs were actually quite a match for me. It was five against one… but I only saw them as a vent for my stress, nothing more and nothing less.
Just when I was about to go back to the chopper I noticed a needle from an injection pricked me… hopefully it’s nothing too serious… I don’t want to worry anyone, especially Vivio and Fate.
As part of our protocol I went to the clinic to get my body examined by Shamal.
“You look terrible Nanoha-san.” She says, no longer surprised by the bruises I have… she has already gotten used to it through Fate and me.
“Nyahaha… I’m here for an examination… I hope I’m not bothering you.” I apologized.
“I wouldn’t let my favorite almost-always bruised girl miss it if she herself comes here. You rarely do examinations you know.” She said, a little relieved.
“Nyahaha… I wouldn’t want to worry anyone…” I giggled, trying to hide any signs of stress.
“All right… just lie down here.” She instructed, prodding me to the medical bed.
“You seem normal except of course for the bruises.” She said typing away at the keyboard. “Just a day off for tomorrow… you should be fine.”
I got up and smiled at her. “Thanks Shamal. I’ll head home now.”
“Nanoha… please just this once… rest?” She pleaded.
“Ok, ok. But you said just one day right?” I clarified.
“Yes. Just one day.” She repeated.
“All right. I’ll do you a favor and rest for only one day.” I responded.
And with that I left the clinic and went straight home.
One day, huh? I guess… I need it… or else all this fatigue will catch up on me. Wow… I’m actually listening to Shamal… That’s rare…
“Hayate-chan, Nanoha promised she would take the day off tomorrow… could you clear her schedule please?” Shamal asks.
Through the monitor the brunette replied. “Sure. Nanoha taking a day off tomorrow. – Wait… could you run me by again?”
“Nanoha will take a break tomorrow.” Shamal repeated.
“Nanoha taking a break… is unusual…” Hayate thought out loud.
“Unusual… but she needs it. All that stress is going to catch up on her soon… I don’t know how long she can keep up her façade…” The doctor responded worriedly.
“… You’re right… Ever since Fate-chan left she’s drowned herself in work… and is even taking missions without any breaks…” Hayate said with an air of sadness.
No matter how much I tried to forget… it felt like the memory was carved onto my brain… I felt like I was going crazy. She hasn’t contacted or even attempted to contact me on the two years we separated.
“I’ll always come back for you Nanoha. No matter what happens I’ll always come back for you.”
These were the words she said to me on the day she confessed to me and on other days as well… but that day was special for me because that was my happiest… I was with the one I loved, the one who always came home for me until two years ago.
The one I cannot seem to get off my mind to this very day. The one I simply cannot bear letting go of, yet I did.
“Nanoha-mama? You look sad…”
“I’m fine Vivio… did you want dinner?” I asked casually.
“Un! And some caramel milk too please!” She replied cheerfully.
“After dinner then you can have your caramel milk.” I giggled and poked her nose.
Morning came to me as usual… and my body felt heavy… but I didn’t mind it too much it was probably just from the mission.
I silently went back to sleep.
Vivio entered Nanoha’s room to greet her a good morning but the blond was just surprised by her mother’s temperature when she hugged her.
Nanoha couldn’t respond to Vivio’s ‘Good morning’ today… her slumber remained undisturbed despite her daughter’s rowdy way of trying to get her up.
Vivio then remembered that she could call Shamal to see what’s wrong with her mother.
She pressed the speed dial for the clinic.
“Vivio? What’s wrong?” Shamal asks, noting the expression Vivio had.
Almost tearing up she replies. “Nanoha-mama… she’s really really hot… and I can’t wake her up…”
The doctor was astounded at what Vivio said.
Nanoha and not waking up was never put in a sentence whenever she was forcefully given a day off! – The doctor thought.
“I’ll be right over. Stay strong for me ok, Vivio?” The doctor said, trying to reassure the little girl.
“Un… please hurry…” She replied, crying now.
My body feels like ten tons of steel… and it’s really cold… I don’t remember turning my house into a freezer…
I tried getting up but my body would just curl up and deny me in response…
Vivio must be in school now…
Sorry Vivio… I couldn’t make you breakfast…
I guess this is déjà vu… I guess I was always meant to be a third wheel… It’s just like back home… I was always left alone while everyone else was either running the bakery or training at the dojo…
I guess I was always meant to be alone…
“Fate-chan…” I muttered breathlessly.
This temperature is… high… 41 degrees Celsius… how does she keep up with it? – Shamal was dumbfounded with the thermometer.
“Fate-chan…” She muttered.
You poor thing… I wish there was more I could do for you but… now I’m going to rush you to my clinic. There is little I can do with a fever this high and the limited tools I brought with me. – The doctor thought.
“Vivio… I want you to go to school Ok? Nanoha-mama is going to be fine. I’ll call uncle Yuuno for you ok?” Shamal reassured Vivio as best she could, hoping that all will go well.
“Un!” She replied.
As soon as Shamal finished arranging Vivio’s schedule she immediately contacted Hayate for an ambulance. Nanoha was still out cold from her fever.
I felt that I was being moved… I wanted to struggle but I just couldn’t find the energy to. I slowly opened my eyes to see who was carrying me.
“…Sh..a…mal…?” I managed.
“Everything will be fine Nanoha… I’m bringing you to my clinic.” She replied urgently.
“I..f… you… say… so…” I responded… eventually passing out…
“How is she?” Hayate asked.
“I’m not sure myself… it’s all up to her to fight this fever.” Was all Shamal could give Hayate.
“I see… I’ll tell everyone as soon as I can.”
Shamal nodded in response.
It’s just like when I was young… Always left behind… always a supporter in the sidelines… always alone…
There was only one person in the world who turned that view upside down: Fate-chan.
I felt really pathetic… I felt really small…
“I’ve already told everyone… including Fate.” Hayate said, as if not wanting to remember that conversation.
“After all these years I’ve known her… I’m sure she’ll come, no… I know she’ll come.” Vita replied.
Hayate giggled. “Maybe you’re right Vita-chan.”
“Yeah. Let’s check on her tomorrow.” The red-head said.
“With the others.” Hayate cheerfully replied.
A few hours earlier…
“Fate-chan… Nanoha’s sick…” Was what Hayate could manage to say to Fate.
The blond was, in a word, shocked. And that expression soon changed into a mixture of worry and sadness…
“I don’t think I can make it… Tell her to get well soon for me.” Fate replied, bowing her head with her bangs covering her crimson eyes.
“… Fate-chan… she’s been muttering your name every second she woke up from her fever. I really hope you know what you’re doing.” Hayate said, grieving over what the blond decided.
Am I running away? Was I just afraid to face her again?
My world just crumbled at the moment I heard Hayate say that Nanoha was sick… and desperately calling for me… I would go to her in a heartbeat… but… I just don’t know if I could face her again…
Not after I closed her relationship with me. I’m such a coward…
A few minutes I received another phone call… from someone unexpected: Vivio.
“Fate-mama!” Came the angry tone. “I won’t call you mama anymore if you just abandon Nanoha-mama like this.”
I was astounded at the tone she was using at me…
“I’m sorry Vivio… it’s just that I’m really busy with this mission…” I tried to explain.
She glared at me this time. “Fate-mama is big idiot! Nanoha-mama is suffering… she doesn’t like being alone. I can’t visit her… but I know you can!”
And just like that she ended the call.
Kids these days… but… I really had no mission…
I laughed at myself… for being such a pathetic coward… even having to have my own child scold at me for my mistakes…
I woke up to people’s chattering…
“Ah… she’s awake.” A familiar male voice said… Chrono?
“If she didn’t I would wonder why Shamal kept her here.” Another familiar voice said… Vita?
“What am I doing in Shamal’s clinic?” I asked weakly.
“You kinda went down with a really high… no you still have a fever…” Hayate corrected herself.
“No wonder I feel like a block of concrete…” I joked.
“I wonder how your body managed to pull off a forty-one on the thermometer though.” Vita-chan said.
“Nyahahahaha… I’m sorry to have worried you all… but really you didn’t have to clear up your schedules for me.” I replied.
“It’s not a problem Nanoha. That’s what friends are for.” Hayate responds.
“Besides, you don’t like being alone Nanoha-san.” Signum said.
“Thank you for coming…” My voice was weaker now…
I’m about to sleep again…
“It’s all right Nanoha. Sleep you need it.” Chrono reassured.
“Good night...” I replied with a weak tone, eventually sleeping after that.
“Wow… she has it that bad huh?” Chrono said.
“Yeah… I wonder if Fate-chan is coming… did you receive a word from her?” Hayate asks curiously.
“Nothing regarding this matter… but I’m sure she’ll visit. She doesn’t have a mission right now.” Chrono explains.
“Testarossa should stop running and face her fears.” Signum says nonchalantly.
They all continued chatting like this until visiting hours ended, leaving Nanoha all to herself again.
Signum would have said something like: “Testarossa you should look closer around you.” Or something like that…
Vita would have ranted about something like me being an idiot. Shamal would just look down in disappointment…
I really want to visit her… but what exactly is stopping me?
“It’s fear Fate. It’s the scary things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.” Chrono said through the video communication screen.
“Sorry Onii-san… I just don’t know how to face her… after breaking it off like I did two years ago…” I replied.
He sighed. “Fate nothing is going to change if you continue to mope around like this. And from what I could tell from my visit Nanoha’s life was in the gutter.”
I realized what a fool I’ve been after hearing that from my brother… I just didn’t admit it to myself… stupid, stupid pride…
“Thank you.” I replied.
“Don’t mention it. Oh and Fate… if you make a wrong decision it’s never too late to turn back. Never.” He assured.
“Thank you.” I repeated.
And with that he turned off his communication screen.
I immediately prepared myself to visit Nanoha… the person who changed my entire life by just being there for me… reaching out her hand for me.
“Hayate… I think I’ve found the source of Nanoha’s fever!” The doctor proudly announced.
“What is it?” Hayate curiously asked.
“In her last mission she mentioned getting pricked by an injection’s needle right? I just found its properties in her blood. It contained a poisonous flower that originally came from your world. It’s called a ‘Duranta Erecta.’ I believe we have the proper medicine for the plant here.” The doctor replied cheerfully.
“Does that mean her life will be out of danger once she takes the medicine?” Hayate presses, trying to find out all she can.
“Yes. But it also depends on the immune system of the patient… but I don’t think we have much of a problem there.” The doctor explained.
“Thank goodness… I honestly thought that fever will be the end of her.” Hayate replied.
The doctor couldn’t help but smile and at the same time feel bad for her current patient. After all… she had friends that worried about her and a lover who seems that she cannot make up her mind, a stubborn lover if you will.
This was what the world seemed like when she left two years ago… cold and heavy. It’s tempting to just give up and try again some other time but no I wouldn’t allow myself that option.
Because I knew that no matter what happens I cannot give up for Vivio. Especially Vivio.
But more than anyone else at the moment I wanted to see Fate… I wanted to see her crimson eyes that seemed to drown me whenever I locked my gaze with her. The eyes I first fell in love with twelve years ago.
I want to look into them again… I want to look into the eyes that first accepted me. The eyes that first gave me happiness. The eyes I first fell in love with twelve years ago.
“Captain I’ll be requesting permission to return home in Mid-Childa.” I reported.
He looked relieved. “Permission granted.”
And with that I started packing.
DO take note though... this is the REALLY crappy version... I might re-write this when I feel like it or when free time is duly presented to me... but other than that
WOW, That was a great story sigurd! this is a 10/10 for me!^^
(hope you countinue it)
The story looks promising.
please update soon! love the story!
Good job Sigurd, it's always nice to see a new story from you.
Great work Sigurd, I hope u can update soon.
Since you asked why I didn't write something...and because I really
like the angst.
I don't care if you re-write this really great story of yours, as long as you write MOAR. like very much much MOAR. *sits down and waits*
Well Duranta Erecta the actual plant is (relatively) harmless.
I'm just worried what'll happen if your rendition of it takes the meanings of the two words separately.
Love the story, hope you continue it soon.
I feel sorry for them, poor girls... ;.;
ah great story!! and that was an evil laugh with that little spoiler you gave us!! don't worry, i won't slap you xp i sure hope you finish that last 10% soon ;P
D= I want the rest Gurr-chan! > <
AHHHHHH!! i WANT to know wats going to happen! >3<
Wonderfully written btw ^3^ i really like it ^3^
Keep it up ^3^
It's so touching *sniff*. I can't wait for your next update!
Wait, where's the rest of the story?
Fate finally cames back home with her Nanoha, now she'll have to make-up for her two years abscence from her family.