This is just an idea, it still needs work.
“Hey you two, how is my favorite couple? Are you enjoying your honeymoon on good old Earth?” Their childhood friend's smiling face greeted them from the screen floating in front of them.
“Hayate,” Nanoha returned her greeting with equal enthusiasm from her position cuddled on Fate's lap, “we can't complain, the TSAB's basically paying us for doing nothing. Well, that's not true, there's so many people camping, the place's packed full. And we also had to help Graham-san and the twins because more than half the people here seem to have never camped out before in their lives.”
“Ah ah, I'm sorry you had to do that instead of enjoying your vacation,” the brunette chuckled sheepishly at her friends' situation, “but look at the bright side, for once it looks like the irregularities uncle picked up aren't anything that could implode and throw our whole solar system into a dimensional distortion.”
“Yeah, that's new,” Nanoha answered finding the joke mildly funny despite Hayate saying a rather scary truth, “but still, for as little as it is, I'm still working on my honeymoon, it's totally wrong!”
“I wish I could help you, I really do,” the mistress of the Tome of the Night Sky said apologetically.
The truth was she could have easily helped her friends with their economic problems since her salary was rather high, if it wasn't for the fact she had to support not only herself but her knights too. Hayate was actually in the middle of presenting a petition for the four of them to receive their own salary, something the TSAB had initially refused on the base that they were programs and not real flesh and blood people.
“We know, don't worry Hayate, it's the thought that counts.” Nanoha smiled at her friend.
“Anyway, I just wanted to say hi, but since Fate-chan didn't say a word and kept staring down your shirt this whole time I guess I'll hang up now.”
“I wasn't!” Fate's head shot up so fast the other two girls wondered if she unconsciously used her sonic move.
“Oh, I see,” Nanoha sighed with a sad face, “I guess Fate-chan doesn't like my chest after all...”
“No! Yes! Of course I love your breasts, but I wasn't staring, not because I didn't want to but I didn't, I mean... I...” The blonde's face had steadily gained color as she kept rambling until her brain finally caught up with what her mouth was spouting and sent the command to shut it.
“You're making fun of me, aren't you?” she asked after a while, hiding her very red face with her hands.
Nanoha giggled at her while Hayate herself was punching her desk and laughing without holding back.
“I'm sorry Fate-chan, you're just so cute, we can't help it,” her not-so-dear-right-now wife told her with mirth.
Fate pouted and pushed her down her lap, then turned her back to her and laid face down on the couch.
“Why didn't you marry Hayate, then, if you get along so well making fun of me?”
“I would say yes, Nanoha-chan,” the voice from the screen promptly answered.
Nanoha shook her head and said goodbye to Hayate before hanging up. Once she did that she turned her attention to her pouting wife who was still laying face down on the couch without looking at her.
“Fate-chan,” she called as she crawled on the couch until she was overing the blonde on her hands and knees, “Fate-chaaaan,” she called a second time while lowering her head until her lips brushed against said blonde's ear.
That got a reaction as the girl under her turned around so that she was facing her while laying on her back now. She was, however, still pouting with her arms crossed over her chest.
“You're mean,” Fate accused her.
“I'm sorry,” Nanoha apologized while lowering herself on top of her. Almost on instinct, Fate uncrossed her arms to slip them around her waist, “please forgive me?” The request was done while laying a kiss at the corner of her mouth, which combined with the sensation of their bodies touching as Fate felt the gentle weight of her lovely wife on her, gave her little choice but to nod to grant her a positive answer.
Nanoha grinned like the cat who ate the canary as she nuzzled her very gullible sweetheart and simply laid there, enjoying their closeness and Fate's caresses as the latter had started to move her hands up and down her back.
It might not be the best honeymoon they could have, but just being able to share a moment like that, just the two of them resting in each other's arms, it made it all worth it.
You can't probably see it yet, but this story (if it'll be continued) is going to be a crossover. However the main focus will be on Nanoha and Fate. There is more I wanted to write, this little scene is just a preview, if you like it I'll add more.
Well this certainly is a nice beginning, some NanoFate fluff...honeymoon... hehehe~
Of course something will happen ! I wanna know what kind of crossover it is ! Please continue !
yeah, I'm not exactly sure what this crosses over yet
Harry Potter then ? Weirdly that could work well. :P
Those were death eaters ? Whoever they are they aren't friendly, but they stumbled upon the wrong people. I pity them somehow...but how could they interrupt their sexy time !? Unforgivable !
Flashbacks sound good to me ? Maybe ?
I'm already hooked, I wanna know what's next ~! Please ? :3
Haha she didn't shoot them on purpose then, just her hormones talking !
Wait a minute...17 and married ? Is it possible ? Errr...Mid-Childa.
Why are they always stopped in their fluffy time !? Mouuuu !
Idea : infiltration for both of them ? I don't know on which side, but... and I want to see Hayate ! Please ? She can scare the magic world even further :3
I like this so far. :)
It's true that she's seen as the "shoot first ask later" person...but she can't be just nice and smile all the time without having some dark side...! But I like your excuse, it's sweet.
Yeah, since they enrolled 9 years olds to fight that wouldn't make sense they'd narrow their rights in other aspects...or maybe it would regarding their health. Anyway.
You're wondering after they infiltrate then ? Dunno, meet some death eaters like...ack I forgot who they were (one day I'll read HP again...)...17...too old for the already written about Hogwart students along with Harry & co, but it could be interesting as students from other schools, now that I think about it. Ah but you already did this aspect. Oops.
I won't force you to make Hayate join, but to me she somehow adds some... dunno, interesting point of view ? Different mood ? And I just like the character.
I don't know what this conversation is about, but you could indeed put it at the beginning...but I like how the one with Hayate starts, it puts the base... As a (small) prologue ?
I'm not sure I'm helping here ^^'
Hehee, the famous snippet !
I'm also curious to know where this story came from...Hayate ? (the first who comes to mind with this kind of prank)
I only see a missing 'she' in the first sentence, and I'm not good at writing so...I'll just say I like it that way. Love the interactions, it feels natural and made me smile ^^
The dark plot could be fun, but I prefer some NanoFate lovey-doveyness...
Funny to see Arthur Weasley, the first actual Harry Potter character to show up, who would've thought ? Ah wait, that was in the book right ? Ahem.
As before, I love the interactions between Nanoha and Fate, always some humor and sweetness.
This story is so fun, not dark at all. And I love it. It'd be interesting to see a Nanoha and Snape conversation/confrontation. (random idea)
Interesting explanation about the translation system, it makes perfect sense to me. It's great you thought about that.
About the lack of reaction, the nanofate forum isn't the best place to post a story I'd say, you'd get more feedback on ff.net. Imho.
But please don't stop this story ? Pwease ? *watery eyes*
Bad Crazy! BAD GIRL! ...Or boy! Whatever you are!
(smacks Crazyla with a rolled up newspaper)
I'll give you this much, it's a fluffy piece of work you got there. All fluffy like, sitting there all fluffy while fluffy- (goes on for a while) fluffiness.
Also, it's pretty funny as well~ And it's good to see more of Graham and the twins X3 (I was worried everyone forgot about them >_>;;)
Be a good girl(?) from now on, okay!
Wow, can't believe I missed this awesome fic XD
Definitely fresh idea on introducing Nanoha-world with HP-world, I really want to see the looks on the Death Eaters' face when Nanoha AKA "defenseless muggle" curbstomp them.
And best of all, NanoFate already in happily married couple and hopefully will be that way forever XD. There's too many angsty NanoFate fic already nowadays, so please, please keep the lovey-dovey mood. Angst is okay but too much of it ruin your soul :P
Also may I appeal you to post this fic in FF.net? No offense to Nanofate.us but it's easier to track an update there
PS: Will NanoFate meet Harry & co? LVery looking forward for the next chapter ^^
ALRIIIIIIGHTTTT! Here is a little comment from me to you on this site XD
The scenario is really nice and the pacing is also funny)in a humorous way XD) and the end had me an "?" which means that you succeeded with creating attention and are keeping the interesting ideas, which I proud to say is really good!
I hope to see the next chapter on ff.net and to say how you've corrected and paced the next chapter!
I'll give you something construcctive when I've sleep a little....
Uh oh missed the one you posted in ff.net, better check it later :P
Entering NanoFate as the "unfortunate background muggle" in Goblet of Fire is brilliant :D. It's funny and enjoyable till the dreaded cliff hanger, the bane of every reader >_<
Poor, poor Nanoha, all she want is nice peaceful honeymoon with her waifu but trouble seems to follow her everywhere, "Devil luck" indeed XD
BTW why the wizards so surprised at Fate admittance as Japanese? Granted she really, really doesn't looks like one :P
Looking forward for the next chapter
Well I like this scene, presenting more characters and placing them in the magical world, I don't see why you should delete this ?
Small typo : as he run --> as he ran, in the beginning.
How they don't have any clue as to what is going on is very funny, I kind of forgot the HP characters' appearances (and of course they had to translate names in my country =__=) but could easily imagine their faces.
I'm curious to know why they reacted that way to their origins, and how they will react to the presentation of the tsab...
What bothers you in this snippet exactly ?
There is but one tiny little hole in your plot TT^TT Remember when HP was really popular a few years back and making games for pc and such?
Well in the quidditch editions were always Japanese players so...like I said tha is but one tiny little point I wanted to point out! But whatever, let me sleep first before I review seriously tommorow!
Nyahaha, that short made me laugh ! Japanese people sure are something, always keeping special abilities secret. I wonder if those big magical signs were Nanoha and Fate happily creating a space distortion ? Not very difficult to see how they could join indeed.
And you even added some NanoFate, good job hormones. *thumbs up*
And sorry for the lack of reply on my side, you know real life and holidays...
I really like it so far, the story takes a interesting perspective which is not normally common in crossovers. It combines the two universes with some barrier which make both worlds collide really well (e.g. the no magical government in japan etc).
I'm interested to see where your story will take the chracters next. Since all of the main characters have met up now, will they be off on magical adventures together? Will there be Nanofate times with the HP cast wondering what is going on between them? I'm interested to see what you'll do with this fanfic, it's great ^^
I'm now trying to imagine Nanoha as a teacher at Hogwarts...that would be entertaining xP
So, they're going to invite them to come to Hogwarts, that would be during that tournament. So, will they participate as a fourth school? I'm curious, curious...
This could be enough to close a chapter if you added something, I don't know what but...I don't know...a closure...
I can't wait to know what's next~
Oh...Interesting. Please continue if you would.